A Space of My Own 我的空间


Posted on: April 1, 2009

Week 11

1 lab report submission
1 homework assignment submission
2 project submissions

Week 12

1 project presentation
1 test
1 HORRIBLE project submission
1 homework assignment submission
Probable OMC work.

Week 13

1 HORRIBLE project presentation
2 homework assignments
1 test
1 lab report submission
Probable OMC work.

Sigh. It just looks tougher as the weeks go by.And the toughest is reading week when I REALLY start panicking over exams.

Oh – I realized I left something out of my checklist. Yes, a daily dose of faith, hope, love. Utter dependency and non-stop thanksgiving to God who’ll pull me through everything. I read a blog that inspired me a lot today. Thank God for that blog writer.

Hall politics is getting messier and messier. As if renovations aren’t making things bad enough. Sigh. What hall will Raffles be in the coming 1 or 2 years? Will those renovations even be worth it in the first place?

I don’t like being involved in politics (not that I can do much), but somehow I kind of care for how things turn out, even though I think I’d be able to survive any kind of point system. Especially when I’ve only one more year to work for CCA and any type of accommodation goes. I do wish I could continue staying in RH for my final semester but I don’t know what type of RH it would be like. Maybe not the same one I know now. Then would it be worth it to stay on?

I finally manage to put in a whole chunk of independent work for my group project. Now I feel a wee bit more useful, for this project at least. I hope the reactor design one turns out well.

My lecturer said he heard of yet another suicide case today. Not sure if it was a student, but the way he said it, it sounded like it was.

Somehow we wonder how people can be so close-minded, and blind to the fact that there’s more in life. But I understand how it could be so. It’s the stressful feeling I get just sitting in lecture halls and tutorial rooms among my peers, watching them study/discuss, and all, and feel really, really behind in work, and in success – or in whatever defines success. Thinking that it’s going to be quite impossible to up my CAP more, at least to a significant amount. And when you’re in that kind of environment, you’re brought to feel that, that is all that matters, or that is what that matters most.

The only lecture that makes me NOT feel this way is in Nation Building. Unfortunately, the topics we learn constantly overlap with the current economic crisis, the worst ever faced by the country.

I know there’s more to excellency. I know that in my heart. And I’m glad I know it, even though I don’t feel it all the time. At least there’s something guiding me, to give me a reason to smile, laugh and have a bit of fun everyday instead of falling into depression with all the work squeezing me from all sides. I read blogs, a lot of them depressing, and some from Christians. It’s all about this maniac race for self-realization, be it through academics, or leadership roles, or just excelling in a certain something. Does it take that much for an individual to be great? Must that someone be visibly good in that certain something?

As a Christian I believe there’s a plan from God for everyone’s life, that is unique, and that will glorify God as well as yield us blessings.

Sometimes when I blog-hop I feel that Singaporeans, or rather NUS students, are so lost and directionless. The reasons they laugh and the reasons they cry, the reasons they question themselves, they deny themselves. It makes me wonder what made them into this, for as I sieve through Malaysian blogs, there are all kinds of troubled souls out there, but they are never this alike over the things they laugh and cry over for. I wonder why. And it’s conditioning me to be like that too. Magnifying little things, and overlooking greater ones.

I don’t want to be lost like that. It is so scary. And it eats you up quietly, without you realizing it. The pursuit for academic glory, for excellence in sports/arts/positions. A happy life, that is, ultimately a normal life which might not bring true joy? I don’t want to be lost like that.

No wonder we need the Word of God to be our light and guide.

Oh, something happy today: Fish burger for tea! And I’ll be acknowledged as a Permanent Resident by NUS soon. Cheers to lower school fees!

6 Responses to "Checklist"

You are doing well sister – \’one day at a time…\’

Roomie-to-be!!! YAY!!! Haha…Jia you!! (why do I feel that NUS is really very tough on students this semester? Even Sila is spending nights without sleep doing assignment and finishing projects, and haha, she\’s not the type who mugs like mad! :))

Martyn – Thanks Bro! Do you blog too?Tirza – I suppose it\’s because the people you\’re comparing with are all 2nd years in their 2nd semester haha.

ha, wahlao, since second year is like that ald…I think 3rd year we\’ll all die

I share the same opinion as you do about people here. Singapore prides itself of being a "meritorious country". But what good is there to garner from stellar academic results, successful career and five-figure income if one lets these "merits" define oneself rather than the other way round? Alas, I can feel that I am unconsciously steamrolling to the direction of such mentality. It\’s good to know fellow Malaysians around here, who share the joyous, less hectic childhood years…

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