A Space of My Own 我的空间

Autograph Albums

Posted on: January 4, 2010

I just saw my two autograph albums which I let my classmates write in
when I was in Form 5 and Upper 6 on a heap of books. I was glad that I
bothered to start letting people write in those – though it was quite
troublesome to keep track of where they went, and who has been keeping
it for weeks and never returned them. Those two books made me miss my
old classmates so much. Or rather, miss those times when we have been
classmates.

I really enjoyed my Form 6 years. The two years
where I’ve started to ‘open up’ instead being ‘unusually quiet’ in
school, as quoted by my classmates. Actually I don’t think I’m that
unusually quiet myself, it’s just that the people I mixed with during
my Form 5 days are generally non-Chinese, and my social circle was
indeed a rather small one. I mixed more with the Chinese when I was in
Form 6. What else can one do when over 80% of the class were Chinese?
That was when they had the impression that I was opening up socially.

It’s
funny to see how people used to think of you in those years, things
that you thought you’d always remember but eventually forget. Everybody
used to say that I was freakingly smart but quiet, until I started
joining in the Ting Fang kepo
gang, and of course, helped the others with their school work. I miss
those days in the library when all of us used it as a sort of meeting
ground besides the classroom, pore over the revision books inside. And
then we as the library committee would have to clean the shelves and
rearrange the books. The library was my favorite place in school. I’m
not that hardworking myself, but being surrounded by books is a nice
feeling. It almost makes you feel more hardworking then you actually
were.

My capacity to care for my classmates during those days
was so much wider than what I have now. Much deeper and wider. It made
me happy to help them, and to talk to them, and to just be with them.
University life has changed me so much. The stressfulness, the
reminders of my mother not to waste time which still stuck firmly until
today, and the competitiveness of my course had contributed to this
change. I try to reach out to my friends as I did before, but it was
not so genuine, and not as frequent as I would have done in those days.
I guess this is what it means to know a person’s true colours just by
putting them into a tight spot. I failed this litmus test.

People
used to try and avoid going through Form 6, but I thought it was a good
learning process. To stay for two more years at home before venturing
outside. To stretch yourself beyond what you think you can. To have two
more years to lead the school in whatever posts you’re in (being the
eldest in the school). And that part of me, seen through the eyes of my
classmates, have been recorded in those autograph albums, as a reminder
that there is no time when it is ok to stop serving God, to stop having
a big heart, to stop dreaming dreams. There’s no end to a life of
stress in Singapore, but even when fighting to grow intellectually,
there’s no use draining all resources to do that, neglecting the need
to go spiritually, emotionally, and socially. Easier said then done
though.

After looking back, one must look forward. I do with the
hope that I can be once again the someone I used to be once upon a
time, and even strive to be someone better than that in the future.
There is this need to grow in those areas, and I shall draw on God’s
strength to do it this year 🙂

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2 Responses to "Autograph Albums"

Hmmm……haha , jiayou o…..

Thanks 🙂

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