A Space of My Own 我的空间

Ashes for Beauty

Posted on: June 28, 2010

I’ll trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross

This is a new song we sang in church last week. It’s not one of those songs that strike me the first time I sing it though… and it’s rather Hillsong-ish, wish isn’t naturally my type of style. However, I saw this on Gerald’s Facebook profile, and listened to it. Some parts of the song did touch my heart. 🙂 The chorus in particular.

I’m stuck in FYP now (again), and have also been thinking through several other issues about myself. The reasons I’m stuck in FYP, my attitude in NUS – compared with what it was in Form 6 (way better back then). Several things about myself I’d like to change but am just too lazy and selfish to do so.

I’ve always been critical about people and things (internally). I have a list of peeves of what and how people of our age should think and do, and I’m ashamed to say, in many other things (that I didn’t include under that list mainly because it’s a fault of mine), I fall short too, and do so terribly. Some of my such peeves include some mindless imitation of English slangs, and taking those romantic-and-out-of-this-world (fictional) love stories as models of how guys and girls behave, kids being rebellious and self-centered, and why certain people wouldn’t mature and grow up.

I hate the way I judge people, judging just because they irritate me, or because people are not like me. Judging without doing anything to help these people grow. I don’t know why my thinking is so not-main-stream. I don’t know why I don’t like what most people like.

Someone asked me to help out as a writer in a certain online magazine. I really wanted to, up till now. But I can’t see how I fit into any role in there. What they want is easy going topics catering to what people like now, to enable teens and young people to open up and share their views. If I’m going to write, I’ll just throw in some big heavy topic, like ‘homosexuality’ and scare people straight away.

I’m not ashamed of the way I am. I’m just don’t like myself when I don’t allow other people to be themselves too. I don’t do this all the time, but when I’m alone and think a lot, I do.

There are many ‘ashes’ in my life that I want to trade for ‘beauty’. And I always think it’s never going to happen because being me, is something so constant that it really takes a lot to turn that around. And although I always remember God is in charge of my circumstances, I often forget that He has the power to change me around too.

Isaiah 61:3~ " To console those who mourn for Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.

When God wanted to give Zion beauty for ashes, they were not in a pretty state either. In fact, they had fallen back a lot. Such is the ashes, and yet, there is the promise of beauty from God. So that He may be glorified.

I’ll trade ashes in for beauty, and wear forgiveness as a crown. I’ll lay every burden down, at the foot of the cross.

Such is God’s love and grace. I pray that He will change me, so that I can glorify Him.

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